Monday, January 22, 2018
Almost twelve years ago, my life changed forever. I used to feel beautiful, was able to form a complete smile, and life couldn't have been better. Then I woke up one morning with my right ear hurting. I took some Tylenol and thought it would go away. The pain was horrible; I would've rather given birth over and over again than to feel what I was feeling at the time. I could feel a bump forming in my ear, and eventually made a doctor's appointment. It's there I found out I had shingles, and it was in my ear. Now, most people (from what I've heard) get it on their rib cages and places like that. Well, not me. The next morning I woke up to the right side of my face feeling numb. I called the doctor and told him I couldn't feel that side of my face anymore. I went back to the doctor and that's when he told me the shingles had severed my seventh nerve and I had Bell's Palsy. I'd never heard of that before, so of course it freaked me out. The doctor told me that I should be fine and everything should be back to normal in 8-10 weeks. Well, those 8-10 weeks came and went and I still had Bell's Palsy. I called him and he said I guess you're in that one percentile that will remain like this. He never offered any kind of treatment for me, and I feel like if he did (because I had no idea), maybe, just maybe we could have fixed me. As a woman, this is devastating; we are judged based on our looks, hair, makeup, clothes, and our general outside appearance. To me, that all went away twelve years ago. I know it's what counts on the inside and not the outside, but that doesn't stop you from not feeling pretty anymore, not worthy, and feeling like people just stare at you. I hope one day I can find peace with this, but I still look at old photos and wonder how do you go from looking and smiling one day to the next day looking totally different...
I'm posting a before photo of me, and the fine art photo I created to show you how I feel when I look into a mirror.